My Sofeya

Assalamualaikum,

Lama tak bercerita pasal Sofeya. Orang kata, anak kedua ni banyak cabaran. Anak kedua ni, ada second child syndrome. Anak pompuan dgn mak ni, kekdg tu panas sikit.

Tak tahu lah nak conclude mcm mana. But one thing for sure, Balqis and Sofeya have entirely opposite personality. But that doesn't mean one is better than the other. They are just different jek.

Dengan Sofeya ni aku perasan mmg agak panas sikit. Believe it or not, EVERYDAY mmg aku akan bergaduh dgn dia. Not a single day went by without an argument between us. Most of the time, mmg aku akan end up screaming and yelling, baru dia akan diam.

And I hate doing that.

Sometimes I tried keeping quiet. But Sofeya akan keep on berleter cakap "mama jahat" or "mama tak sayang adik" yada yada sampai aku hilang sabar, and end up aku jugak akan menjerit.

Sigh.

But I have to admit, aku pun, main tua ni tahap kesabaran makin kurang. Aku jadi mcm tak boleh tolerate dgn perangai panas baran dia (yes she is panas baran). She will scream at ppl whenever she wants. She will hit Balqis everyday. She wants to do everything according to her way.

So bila dia start menjerit merengek and menangis, otomatik aku dah tak boleh nak fikir and aku jadi nak marah terus.

Sometimes, no, most of the times,  I feel like I'm a bad mother. Aku dah tak boleh and I don't know how to teach my children anymore.

Semalam, lepas reading class, dia mintak beli kuih. I bought. Dah makan separuh, dia tak nak.

Mlm tu, singgah kedai runcit sebelah kedai nasi lemak, beli keropok. 

Pagi ni, bangun tido, and the first thing she did was menangis merengek.

"Mana kuih yg adik beli semlm???"

"Mana ada dah dik.. kan adik dah tak nak.. dah buang la"

"TAKKKKKKK!!!! ADIK NAK!!!!!"

Bla bla bla..

See... otomatik aku tak boleh fikir and aku hilang sabar

Tapi I tried to diam.

"Mama memang kan.. mama tak sayang adik. Mama jahat!!!"

Aku diam lagi.

And she nag some more.

Sampai aku hilang sabar, and as usual aku menjerit.

Ye, pagi2 subuh, aku dah jadi mcm tarzan.

Sigh.

After a while dah cool down, baru dia cakap elok2 dgn aku

"Are you still mad?"

"No"

"Adik nak kuih yg beli semlm kat kedai sebelah nasi lemak tu, bukan kedai kat reading class"

Jantung aku mcm  nak gugur.

All these arguments and drama just because salah faham???

I'd love to blame it on her. 

Tu lah, tak nak cakap elok2. Cakap sambil nangis, sambil marah2. And firstly, its keropok, its not even kuih. And why u didnt say awal2 kat kedai sebelah nasi lemak? Kalau cakap awal2 terang2, tak de la jadi mcm ni.

I'd love to say that. To think of it that way. 

But, deep inside I know partly its my fault. Kalau aku boleh sabar sikit, suruh dia cakap elok2, tak de la jadi mcm ni. If only I could listen to her better. Listen to what she wants to say.

Sigh.

Maybe I'm a horrible mother.