Aku bengang..

Couldn't think of any better title.. except the one that perfectly describes my feelings rite now.

u see.. we fianlly moved to taman melawati. before we moved dulu, we have this dilema of where / how would balqis go to her tadika. the options are either change her tadika (to melawati) or every morning send my maid to my mom's house.

luckily (or not) my mom got herself a maid. so my mom said "tak payah la tukaq skolah balqis.. balik skolah mai dok dgn maid mak, nanti mak ada, mak hantaq la pi melawati"

hmm.. sounds good. so okay.. the plan is fixed.

me, however, have this weird feelings.. my mom's maid ni muda, tak pernah ada anak.. would she know how to take care of my daughter?

plus, maid aku (kak ijah) dah few times ternampak maid baru ni (ayu) asyik la tidoooo jer keje nyer..

hmmmmm... but i dowan to jump to any conclusion selagi la aku x nampak apa2 yg x berkenan kan.. i mean.. like if u wanna sleep.. go ahead and sleep.. asal keje siap cukup.

tapi, deep inside aku ada sedikit kerisauan. i even told Mr Photographer if we should look at the option of changing balqis punya school, which i myself pun tahu, it's not quite logical. half a year je lagi kan? kesian pulak budak tu nak tukar2 sekolah lagi 5 bulan jer pun.

last monday i took leave, waited for balqis to come back from school, at the same time ajar ayu ni camna nak handle balqis. kol baper nak tunggu dia balik, nak salin baju dia, bagi dia makan, yada yada... alaa.. budak 6 tahun, apa susah kan...

so everything went well, UNTIL I GOT A CALL @ 12 NOON TADI.

Ayu : Halo kak... sori ye... balqis baru balik ni.. saya tertidur tadi... tak dengar org picit2 bell byk kali... sori ye.. (and the rest what she said kindda blurry.. coz aku mcm nak pitam and jantung aku dah nak terkeluar)

i remembered telling (more like yelling) her to call balqis.. i wanted to talk to her.. but ayu said balqis refused to talk to me..

after few rounds of calling, i managed to talk to balqis.

don't ask me what i said to ayu.. i wished i could scream my lungs out, maki hamun, and klu dia ada depan aku mmg aku tarik rambut dia and belasah dia cukup2. yes.. that bad.. aku marah that bad... tapi syukur Allah masih kurniakan aku akal yg waras.. and aku masih boleh kawal hati and nafsu amarah aku yg sememangnya dah dikuasai setan...

i only told her "kenapa laaaa kau tidoooo.. kan dah tahu nak ambik balqis kol 11.30? dah la pergi panggil balqis!"

hmmphh.. tu jer la... i kenot make myself talk aku further, coz if i do, then mmg maki hamun jer la yg keluar.. so i better not talk..

i could not understand 100% what balqis said.. but after few rounds story, i think the story goes like this... "balqis balik, tgk tak de org tunggu.. balqis nangis.. then guard nampak, and guard tolong tekankan loceng, sampai kakak ayu kuar"

kasihan anakku.. 30 blardy minutes tak dpt masuk rumah, sorang2 kat luar. nasib baik ada guard yg baik.

well.. since aku mmg ada rasa tak sedap hati, sebelum ni aku pernah ajar balqis.

"klu tak de org kat rumah, you go to the security guard, and cakap nak call mama. apa2 pun cakap elok2 and dun cry"

thats what i tot her over and over, many2 times.. but i guess when the real thing happened, alaa.. budak.. mana la nak ingat apa kita ajar kan..

so yes.. aku bengang.. aku sakit hati. and i kenot look at her face rite now coz tahap benci aku meluap2. maybe later2 bila aku dah cool.. i can talk to her.. but not now.. coz aku still marah.

how can u sleep?? at 11.30 in the morning?? dah tak de keje sgt eh??

i know im supposed to call her at least 15 mins b4 balqis balik to remind her.. but coincidently tadi aku ada meeting non stop.. but then again.. hey.. takkan nak kena monitor sampai mcm tu?

i am now thinking of what other alternatives that we have for balqis, either send my maid and sofeya to my mom's place every morning, or tukar sekolah balqis.

but then again, 2-2 alternative pun mcm tak workable. Mr Photographer said to think calmly and thoroughly 1st b4 making any decisions..

haihhh why la men ni byk sgt pk rational eh

coz ni 1st time jadi mcm ni.. and ayu sendiri call and minta maaf.. so the best thing is to tell her nicely next time make sure jgn jadi mcm ni lagi...

ye la.. i kindda agree.. but see how lah.. my mind is still blurred by my unstable emotions.

-konot yg dah transform jadi incredible hulk-