Sangat lama tak ber-apdate..

This draft dah berminggu2.. so dari tunggu aku nak perabih, i'll just post it and continue some other time..


I oso dono why la malas sgt nak update blog. My last post masa aku masih kat aussie. I guess cerita cuti2 aussie pun dah basi..:(

But I remembered I wanted to write about my grief masa aku kat aussie kan?

I have a sister living there., kak yah.Tapi entah kenapa aku rasa she is no longer the sister that I used to know. That she is no longer the family member that I feel I could count on.. that I could depend on.

I stayed with her for 10 days kat sana. Overall, mmg lah okay layanan dia. I am truly grateful that dia willingly kasik aku tumpang rumah dia. Makan minum semua kat rumah dia.. bawak aku jalan some of the times despite condition dia yang tgh heavily pregnant.

But somehow.. I feel the distance. I feel this weird, awkward feeling when I’m with her. I don’t feel like I’m her younger sister that she used to manjakan and protect me from anything or anyone.

I still remember masa tu aku darjah satu. I was doing my maths homework with my other sister, kak mi. Kak mi ni pulak jenis garang ya amat (she’s a teacher now.. btw). So everytime aku tak tahu or salah buat, mmg menyinga la dia kat aku.

Then one time, my aussie sister dtg and said to kak mi “hang ni pun jgn la marah2 budak tu… susah sgt tak payah ajar la maih sini aku buat dgn dia!”

Lepas tu.. kak mi ni marah dia pulak..”hang jgn sibuk lahhh !!” and bedebushhhh !! kak mi ambik file and lempang muka kak yah. I remembered kak yah sampai tersepuk jatuh and crying atas lantai.

Kesian sgt aku tgk kak yah.. and i remembered this was one of the incidents yang buat aku memang sayang giler dgn kak yah.

Anywayy..

Ntah la I dono how to describe.. but I just don’t feel the same.. u know. I guess, bila dah lama tak jumpa, the relationship tu jadik jauh..

Tak payah kot aku explain what happened in detail.. but there’s one time that I really felt like going home time2 tu jugak.. and I even tot to myself.. next time if I ever dtg to aussie again.. aku tinggal hotel je.. senang..

Its really different with kak ani (eldest sister). Ye lah.. maybe sbb tinggal pun dekat. So the relationship tu rapat. Dgn kak ani ni, aku still rasa that I am her youngest sister, than I can count on her. I can be myself when I am with her.

Aku malas ke, aku tak reti masak ke, nak mintak tolong ke, nak buat apa2 ke.. tak payah nak bermuka2. cakap jer direct. Kalau dia (kak ani) nak kutuk aku pun dia cakap direct. Senang citer.

Now.. kak ani will be going off to Canada.. i posted about their plan dulu somewhere in 2006. Recently their PR application dah approve, and they'll be going after raya.. :(

Saya sangat sedih ni..

To be continued…