tadi while tgh lepak in the room balqis told me that a girl in her class is having a birthday party this 10 april kat rumah dia in bukit antarabangsa and she (balqis) didnt get invited. some of her (balqis) close frens got the invitation card but she didnt get.
she didnt say it.. but i know she is so damn hurt.
she didnt say it.
berkali2 aku tanya how does she feel abt it. sedih ke, angry ke, she just geleng-ed her kepala and denied. few times dia gosok2 mata. when i asked "r u crying?" she would deny and said "mata sakit"
i feel like someone is tikam-ing my heart.
hati aku hancur berkecai...
last time i felt like this was few years back ( i blogged abt it but deleted but now since blog aku private i will blog abt it again). when she went out with her father on saturday, then saturday mlm sampai sunday morning dia menyombong dgn aku.. then sunday morning dia mengamuk nak jumpa abah dia. i knew.. for some reason that the abah takkan jumpa dia on sunday. but i called anyway and let her talk.
i saw her face.. when the abah said they kenot meet masa tu. i saw, how broken hearted she was. i saw tears in her eyes bergenang. even tho aku geram pasal dia buat hal.. but aku sgt sedih bila somehow balqis sedih mcm tu.
now.. jadik lagi. even worse aku rasa balqis dah matured a bit and pandai pulak nak hide her feelings. like the way she confessed to me that dia terasa aku sayang adik dia lebih dulu (blogged abt this also.. somewhere).
sedih sgt la.. pasal aku tak mo dia go thru a difficult childhood like i had mine dulu.
i had a rough childhood. i hate my childhood. tak pernahnyer aku mengenang zaman silam and miss my childhood. im so glad im an adult now.
bodo.
dulu i constantly get ejek-ed for being so ugly and hitam melegam. idak ler aku kata aku ni skang lawa sgt, but dulu2 mmg la org dok ejek aku ni huduh sgt. i still remember aku sekolah rendah, nak beli air kat kantin dgn kawan2 aku.. abg jual air tu siap cakap "yg ni tak payah air free pasal tak cantik.. hitam melegam" and kawan2 aku pun seronok la dok gelakkan aku..
i am the only kid kat jalan A-10 tu yg tak keluar main petang2 dgn budak2 lain pasal takut kena ejek dgn budak2 for being so ugly.
pernah sekali aku jalan balik sekolah then my neighbor kuar rumah and yelling "KAK NANA HITAM LEGAM!!!"
aku masuk and mak aku tanya.."apa diorang cakap?" sambil senyum mcm nak console aku.
now i know mcm mana mak aku rasa... :(
cikgu2 tak pernahnyer suka kat aku pasal aku ni huduh sgt.
plus kakak2 aku semua jarak umur jauh2.. so i never really had anyone close to me.
and i hate balik kampung. pasal cousin2 and mak pak sedara ada pick on my ugliness. my hitam legam ness.
tak de benda lain org nak cakap. plus masa tu aku mcm aku mcm ada panau dua ketul besar kat both my pipi. imagine pakai blusher all the time but instead of red its WHITE. against my dark skin pulak tu.
i still remember time aku dah lawa, dah cantik, (which was in 2000-2001 kot), then aku balik kampung, owhhhhh... baru la semua org nak pandang? baru semua org layan aku baik? bukan main lagi puji aku melambung???
podah la korang...
so there.. mmg aku benci dgn childhood aku. and i hate everyone related to it.
but now.. seeing it happening to balqis.. like watching my childhood movie repeat balik.
she never had any of the cousin close to her since semua jarak umur jauh2.
semlm balik sekolah i saw baju dia kena conteng. aku tanya siapa buat, dia kata "omar" budak laki duduk sebelah dia. aku tanya kenapa tak halang dia kata dia takut budak tu marah.
kena buli ke anak aku ni?
i told her better not happen again else i will go see her teacher.
then this stupid birthday party. dulu dia pernah cerita kat aku this tera girl ni mcm famous la.. semua boys suka kat dia. then she told me mcm dia ni baik la jugak dgn tera. then suddenly she didnt get invited pulak..
sedih ok.
i dont know la if she ever get ejek in her school for her physical mcm aku dulu, pasal to me she is not ugly. except dulu i know some stupid people (bukan budak2 jer) yang suka point kat gigi balqis yang terkedepan sikit.. mcm jongang sket.
so wat? esok2 dah besar klu tak elok, kalau dia nak, boleh jer betulkan.
ni kdg2 dok ejek la.. and some people mcm dok marah kan aku la pasal bagi pacifier. i still remember pegi potong rambut kat kedai.. minah ni tegur "ni mesti bagi puting eh kecik2, sbb tu gigi mcm tu" aku nampak muka balqis dah berubah.
mula la aku hangin nak jadi incredible hulk. nak jer aku cakap "jgn byk cakap potong rambut je boleh tak?" tapi sbb memikirkan rambut balqis yg belum setel kang dia sabotaj kang aku sabarkan je...
why la u hv to be so bodoh and pick on appearance? kat kids pulak tu????
tu pasal aku paling pantang kalau dgr org cakap pasal budak based on their physical, especially yang negative..
ada this lady kat building aku keje.. wahh.. gaya bukan main. mmg nampak stylo. tak pernahnya pakai baju lepas dari lutut, kalau tak sleeveless mmg tak sah. dtg keje naik BMW, bfast tak pernahnyer lain dari starbucks.. bukak mulut... hmppphh.. hancur... mmg nampak ko punya stylo yang kampung sgt.dgn tergediknyer.. and paling aku tak tahan ada sekali tu aku dgr dia cakap dlm lif "alaa..anak akak yang GEMUK tu..." aku tgk the akak tu dah semcm jer...
nak jer aku offer bantuan kat akak tu nak bagi backhand kat pompuan tuhhhh..
sigh
its so difficult being a mother la kan... kalau boleh aku tak nak anak2 aku hurt langsung. kdg2 aku rasa korang ni jadi la baby balik, masuk perut mama coz that way i can always protect you, and you will always be with me no matter what.
i love my girls more than anything else.
sapa berani kacau anak aku????????
13 comments:
Konot...*hug kuat²*..sedih aku dengar citer ko..apesai ko rasa ko tak lawa? your facial feature especially Mata ko sangat cantik taww!!
and kalo orang cakap pasal anak kita camtu,I'd gadoh wif the person...really..I will..
bukan ko sorang jer yg rasa camtu...aku pun ada problem yang samer..masa kecik, aku cuma harapkan ability aku dapat no.1 tiap² exam, pasai tu kot cikgu² okey ngan aku, tapi part pementasan kelas ke apa ke, despite aku paling dapat tangkap step tarian, ada budak yang lagi "putih" dari aku dapat jadi lead...hancur hati aku masa tu..tapi mak aku lak tak pandai pujuk..semua rasa tak puas hati aku kena pendam sendiri..
so sekarang ni aku vowed aku akan selalu talk to my girl, tanak kasi dia pendam perasaan dia sorang²..
and aku aci kerat kuku, Balqis & Sofea will turn up to be beautiful darlings just like their Mama...:D
linda.. ko ni buat aku nak nangis lagi ok pagi2 ni. seriyes aku tak paham la kenapa org2 selalu pick on physical appearance especially kat budak2. they really dont have any idea how much it affects the kid tau.
and yes.. mmg aku membesar dgn very, very low self esteem.. sedih ok. i dowan that to happen to my girls.
Apa lah kau ni Konot. Memang la kau tu hitam... tapi hitam MANIS. Tidak le huduh. Hitam itu menawan. *sambil aku belek-belek tangan aku yang hitam berbelak-belak, berkerak & berkedut*
nomee...pakai skII tepek kat tgn weih!
Alerrr..takmo ah cakap camtu. Pada aku semua laWA la...gemuk cam aku pun aku raser lawa je. My family, close friends buat aku rasa lawaaaa je bila dgn diaorg. Aku masa kecik dan sekolah menengah asyik kena ejek gemuk je..as if la tu je kayu pengukur kejayaan aku.. gila vodors. Pastu kat sekolah, kawan2 aku semua org ngurat, aku je tak sbb aku gemuk. Takde org nak siul2 try ngurat2.
I have self esteem issues too. And memang heart breaking bila budak2 cam Balqis kena macam ni. Susah beb org nak tengok beyond physical kita ni. Owh ckp pasal hitam ni, aku suka gak sakat Zul "Eee awak ni hitammm la, hitam gilaa" but dia tahu aku joking je. Kalau dpt anak (kalau ada rezeki la) hitam nanti baru padan muka aku haha. Tapi anak kita kan, kita akan sayang dan protect punya. *big hugs to Balqis*
amy.. mmg aku pun rasa gemuk ke hitam ke apa ke.. tak de masalah pun.. but aku sakit hati bila org dok pick on the appearance and make fun of it.. especially to kids!!
BODO
Konot...nape cite ko semua kena ngan aku...aku lagila dulu..mak aku muallaf..so memang kena cop anak k****g...sedih tau...aku pun zaman kecik xpenah keluar main2..duk umah..n tv la kawan rapat aku...aku glad arwah ayah aku paham dgn aku n dia xkisah pun walaupunaku duk berjam2 tgk tv coz dia tau anak dia xdaq kawan...ishish..uwaaaa...
tapikan konot...semua tuh ada hikmahnya...bila xbercampur aku lebih fokus kat study n kat area umah aku...bole dikatakan aku berjaya dn keluar dr kepompong...bdk2 yg prasan lawa tuh...dah macam bohsia plak...hidup xtentu arah...tapi mak aku dulu garang..bila dia nampak aku nangis kena ejek even kena ejek from mak2 kawan lagi...mak aku selisih lengan la apa lagi...peranngggg!!...i luv my mummy!
lar nih konot...anak aku yg agak berisi tuh plak dah kena aim..'iee...kalau xjaga mkn budak ni bole gemuk sampai besaq tau"...
wey...tolongla...bdk tgh nak membesaq takkan nak catu or tak bagi mkn kat anak aku kan....time dia tgh berselera..pernah skali kami try avoid her from eating nasi n kurangkan bagi susu...u know what..anak aku demam panas, tekak kering, tonsil n kena admitted..masa tuh dia xnak mkn lansung...aku nangis2 suh dia mkn n minum if not dyhydrated...dia xnak gak...so aku insaf...di kala kita xnak dia mkn...sungguh2 dia xmkn n sakit..lagi susah hati...sejak tu aku ckp kat laki aku jgn ditegur jika dia nak mkn...bila nak besaq nanti ikut dia kalau dia nak kecik ke or besaq..itu pilihan dia n i luv her so much no matter what but i'm gonna give her the best treatment n protection selagi terdaya....
jue, sedih pulak aku dgr kisah anak nko.. toksah ler sekat2 dia makan.. cuma kita kena make sure bagi healthy food.. aku pun nak perati jugak si balqis ni makan pasal dia suka sgt makan dekat2 nak tido.. tapi tu la.. tak bagi kang, kesian... hadoiii
konot, hang tau kan people how always say that ayesha takde rupa aku and sejibik rupa bapak dia...? Some people said it dgn ikhlas and some said it dgn niat nak kata dia tu not having a good feature....families pun 2 X 5 gak... Kat depan org mmg aku ngakukan aje, tp with her, aku selalu puji dia that she is pretty though tembam sikit and manis though gelap sikit. The most important thing I keep on telling her is how much I am proud with her attitide and achievement, that she is a responsible daughter and a bright one too. I think that lifted her self esteem.... Sbb dia tak pernah lg balik sekolah with all these cerita sedih though kawan2 dia aku tgk sume comel2 lote je.....
And u konot, bersyukur la w'pun dulu org kata hang tu huduh but now u look more awet muda than them... I believe.
Alahai sedihnya aku dengar... Aku lagi le dari kecik sampai besar tetap huduh ! WAAAAA !
Oppss... sori tak habis lagi dah tersubmit..
Anyways, 1) hang adalah sangat comei...
2)Aku benci orang yang macam itu... suka point out kelemahan budak2 dekat mak bapak and depan budak2 itu sendiri.. Apa ingat depa tu kayu ka ? Lagi satu, dalam kepala hotak depa tu, apa yang depa ingat depa achieve bila depa cakap benda2 macam tu ? Macam hairdresser tu ? Dia imagine hnag bak berterima kasih kat dia ka apa ka ?
Buduh !
lia, aku pun rasa ayesha mmg sebijik bapak dia, BUT never with the intention of saying that dia tak de good feature.. pasai 1. sheik tu aku rasa ada rupa apaaa.. and 2. i think ayesha is cute.. mcm balqis la.. comel apa?
but i know la.. some ppl ni tgk kaler kulit.. asal gelap jer.. mmg huduh la.. bodopiang..
hally berry tu hitam tapi lawa jerr.. kan kan kan??
myra,
hang mana ada huduh weii.. toksah kata lagi tu...
1. time kasih.. teheheh
2. ye aku juga benci.. depan ni dah la buduh.. huduh plak tuh.. huahauhauh
Post a Comment