Ramadhan is here

Selamat berpuasa everyone! It’s now 6.50 am. I just finished solat subuh + studying + wearing mask + watch AXN and now taking a break while waiting my mask to dry. Woke up at 5 to makan just now. Looks like until 10 Sept this will be my routine every morning.
***********************************************
On Saturday Balqis went out with her father. She was very excited ever since the nite before. Normally on Saturday morning me and Balqis will go swimming. So I told her, “we go swimming first, then adik jumpa abah ok?” and she said ok.

Saturday morning, she woke up early, and excited to go swimming. Already holding her swimsuit and floatie. Then suddenly she like recalled that she was supposed to see her abah, and she quickly told me.. “Ma, adik tak nak swimming, adik nak jumpa abah”

I was broken hearted. She would cancel her plan swimming with me just becoz want to see her abah? Not like she won’t see him. The abah also haven’t bangun tido I guess. I tried pujuk her..but she still dowan. I asked her to mandi also she dowan, she just wanna salin baju and cepat2 jumpa abah.

I merajuk.. and she said..”alaaa… tapi adik saying abahhh”
I said “ habis tu adik tak sayang mama ke?”
She said “ Adik sayang mama jugakkk.. tapi adik nak jumpa abah”
Me, malas nak panjang2 cerita, just said..”okay la… tomorrow la we go swimming ok?”

The abah came and pick her up,, wahhh.. so excited that little girl. I went to class as usual. About 8.30 pm she came back. When she saw me, she yelled “mamaaaaa!!!” and came running at me, kissing and hugging me. God… I miss that girl. One whole day without her can drive me crazy. Nasib baik got classes to keep me occupied.

Later that nite, she told me…
Balqis : Ma, abah cakap, ma tak boleh pergi rumah abah…
Me : Nape abah cakap mcm tu? Adik Tanya la abah kenapa mama tak boleh pergi..

Earlier also she asked me the same thing… she asked “nape mama tak nak ikut pergi rumah abah?” I dunno what to answer, I just said mama got class.. Urghhh… hate this situation. I still haven’t figure out how to explain to her. If she’s big enough, I would tell her the truth. But how can a 3 yr old kid understand the truth now?

Later we chatted again..
Balqis: Ma, abah cakap.. mama dah pergi…(she meant I went somewhere, not pergi as in dead)
Me : Nape abah cakap gitu?
Balqis : Adik cakap kat abah, adik cari mama…
Me : Then, abah cakap apa?
Balqis : Abah cakap, adik sedih ke?
Me : Then adik cakap apa?
Balqis : Adik cakap ….. adik nak mama….(Her tone dah nak nangis)
Me: alaaa… kesian anak mama… rindu mama ye?
Balqis : a aahhhh….(crying oledi)
Me: ok.. next time, bila adik jumpa abah, kalau adik rindu mama, adik call mama ok?

I’m touched!!! I wanted to cry also. At the same time, happy pun ada jugak. Coz I tot she was soooo happy meeting the abah, that she wont rindu me at all. But she did. But I’m sad that she has to go thru all this.

I’m no sorry for what had happened. But I’m just thinking of a way to improve things, especially for balqis. I have no problem, Alhamdulillah. But I just hope that she will have my strength to survive as well. My friend told me, that it is something that I need to teach balqis. Something that I need to train her. I suppose that is true.

She is going to school soon and God knows what are the challenges we’re gonna face later. New journey is beginning, I pray that God give us strength and courage to face His tests.